I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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