WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
