He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
