...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
