If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
