I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
