TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
