Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
