I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
