That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
