also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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