How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
