Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
