Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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