Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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