Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
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