apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
