I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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