tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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