god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm at about main and main street
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
