the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
