This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
