im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
