Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
