I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I have feelings that need drinking.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
