I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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