i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
