My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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