I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
