i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
