Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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