Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
