4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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