I hate your face
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
