this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
