Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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