I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
