so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
