i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
