She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
