Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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