It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
