You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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