Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
