I can text with my tongue
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
