the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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