For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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