A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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