why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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