Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
