look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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