so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
