so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
