I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Panties = found
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