I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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