I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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