Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
