Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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