don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Randomize
