You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
