I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
