Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
