I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
