I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
