three words: i give head
three words: not that well
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
